I Heard Love is Blind

I heard Love is blind, but it has shown me so many things.
I heard Love is hard, but I tried not to give it up too easily.
I heard Love is strong, but there are moments I crumble; weeping on my knees.

I love my love.
I love being with him.
I love throwing my minutes away for him.
I love laughing with him.
I love walking around and hold hands with him.
I love the fact that we are living together.
I love when he comes when he said he would.
I love when he makes me giggle with his jokes.
I love sleeping and waking up with him next to me.
I love when he pinches me whenever he feels like it.
I love when he surprised me.
I love when he try out new things with me.
I love when he says he misses me, wishing I was there with him.
I love being with him.
I love my love.

I hate my love.
I hate being with him.
I hate when he says he need more time before becoming official.
I hate when he and me is not a couple, and yet I am bound to him that way.
I hate the fact that he’s here living with me and I’m the one blamed to be pushing things too fast?
I hate when he gets moody whenever his ex calls him.
I hate when he always talks about his ex, and all the women before me.
I hate when he’s comparing things to one another.
I hate when all those things hurts me, though I never said a thing.
I hate when he doesn’t realize that.

I hate he spends his time while with me buying and watching fucking s**tty DVDs.
I hate when I can’t make love to him; and yes, I do need that, and no, it’s not just sex.
I hate when I need to tell him where his boundaries are, I don’t do that.
I hate when he wants to be in control in things that he should have not.
I hate when he wants the credits to everything that he involves with.
I hate whenever he wakes up in the middle of the night, logging in the Internet.
I hate when he leaves me alone while he waits in the car.
I hate when he made stupid comments and remarks about or to my friends.

I hate whenever he says, “if you don’t like it, tell me…” yet he did it again after I told him not to.
I hate when he replies, “I forgot, you need to tell me again…”
I hate when he raised his voice to me whenever I accidentally forgets whatever he warns about.
I hate having, “I didn’t scold you whenever you forgets!” vomited from my mouth to him after that.
I hate when he sounded angry in his replies to me verbally.
I hate when he always wants to have the last word.

I hate explaining any problems that I have with him and he always answers back as if he was right.
I hate whenever he said I’m the only one who always have issues with him.
I hate when he said I’m weird; when he’s the one who’s weird.
I hate him drinking, though I never said anything, coz I know my words won’t stop him.
I hate him clubbing, though I never said anything, coz I know my words can’t stop him.
I hate him for being too westernized for me.
I hate when he’s thinking about most of my friend’s problems, but he never sees mine.
I hate when he thinks he’s too good.

I hate when I don’t see the Love in him.
I hate when he could keep me without chains.
I hate when he could hold me without touching.
I hate when he thinks as long as you can be happy it’s good to just stay with that person.
I hate whenever I feel he is only physically attached to be but hardly, emotional-wise.

I hate when he bluntly said all these;

“I think I’m too old for those kinds of thing.
Well, whatever I don’t give to you, you could go to the girls; have it with them instead.”

“Can we drop these things out? Can we not talk about it anymore?”

“… at the end of the day, I’ll be spending my time with you, not with someone else.”

“Sex is just sex.”

“If you feel this doesn’t work out well, move on…”


I hate it so much that I could never forget.
I hate being with him.
I hate my love.

* * * * *

Oh, and I heard Love is blind.

If so…
Forbid me realizing.
Forbid me remembering.

Tell me it’s a dream.
That soon I’ll be waking up from.
That soon, I’ll be fine.

Or fall down for me like a meteor.
As bright, as it blinds my eyes with its brilliance.
As strong, as it darkens my life with one glisten.