The Soulful :D

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Currently doing the 30 things in 30 days challenge! View the list HERE!

But at the moment, THIS is living!

I like what he does to me. Keeping my mind occupied all the time. Thinking, imagining, and my thoughts lingers everyway that it could. Is this what you called a “mind-stimulating conversation”? Whatever it is, indeed I am happy. Thankful, yeah… That’s the exact word I think.

I was born as a Muslim. Yes, it printed on my identification card – Islam. But who am I actually? How could they put everyone into a religion that is automatically taken from our birth parents? Why can’t we live, learn and choose what we wanted to believe in? Before you begin to curse me in what-so-ever way you could, please stop. I already received a lot of it and I’ve seen at least Chewbacca been shot by few people who thinks “we as mere human, can’t have doubts nor asking or wondering about our own religion.” Err, asking and wanting to know is not wrong at all. So please, let me be me.

It’s been a while I felt that warmth fuzzy feeling when I indulge into spiritual issues. God, good Lord. Yes, Allah. I remember the last time is when I’m studying at Perak after finishing my Maghrib and Isya’ prayers and reading few short Surah afterwards. Asking for His forgiveness, crying and felt asleep on the sajadah – woke up in the middle of the night with tons of miscalls from my roommate who’s involved in an accident and was in hospital. Last week, a day driving in the car, talking about God, the purpose of us living, I don’t know how he does it; somehow a door is opened for me to walk in. Is the “an-Nur” (the Light) finally coming to me? Alhamdulillah if it does. No, I’m not automatically turning into a pious all of the sudden. Just a thank you note to You. He remembers me indeed, still :) And I’m still searching for Him in my life. As for now, I can breathe out and give a warm sigh with a smile and looking things in life as a test from Him. His simple way of reminding us; why are we created in the first place? – To serve Him.

For me, I need to know first in what I believe in or going to believe later on. I don’t want to do something just because others doing it. I need to know why we do it, the real reason, the purpose of it, and NO, don’t say just because it’s in the Five Pillars of Islam and the Six Pillars of Faith so I freaking must do it without any questions asked. Wow, this is quite a long entry. Well, as for right now, there are few issues about my life other than this spiritual thingy. And my problem got worse by today. Called up my doctor, and he said this and that strictly or else… But I don’t wanna talk about it here… Perhaps, later.

All I need right now is a freaking someone to hug me to sleep and lie to me that everything’s gonna be alright when I open my eyes tomorrow.


  1. thanks, sayang :)

  2. I've been taught that we should not question about Islam, we should not have doubts about Muhammad. We have to submit ourselves in the name of Allah and Muhammad's teachings. All my life, I've obliged, I've accommodated. I've been instilled with blind faith.

    I was too afraid to have these doubts, I feared that Allah was testing my "faith". I feared for something that Muhammad called infallible!

    I've debated with my non-muslim friends about Islam before, I was on a shaky ground because I have NOTHING to disprove their corruptive claims against Muhammad and Islam. All I had was my orthodox rhetorical recycled answer "I think you should go talk to Islamic Scholars". That was my favorite answer to save my own ass, it was a cop-out.

    But now, I've decided to leave my cocoon life and SEEK for the answers MYSELF instead of pointing it out to others. I wanted to have the knowledge of Islam so I can disprove any motherfucka that dare to insult Islam.

    To my utmost surprise, instead of finding out the sugarcoated truth of Islam, I found the BRUTAL truth; all the loopholes of Islam that was made invisible in the teaching of young Muslim apprentices. I'm sure you've read my questions and arguments in my blog (and comments from our fellow Muslims too).

    I know I hit quite a few nerves with my religion topic, and yes, I did receive a handful of hate mails from Islam very own defense team, but I disregarded them, not because I refused to acknowledge them, but because they are RHETORICAL STANDARD ANSWERS! I've heard them SO many times (and even used them before - against non-muslims). They thought they can camouflage the little maneuver to sound intelligent and pious, lol.

    Anyway, I haven't got any logical, humane answers to my killer questions so far. I doubt they can give me any without contradicting themselves and the Quran. Apologetic Muslims would definitely say something along the line of "Not all Muslims are fanatics. There are many Muslims who are liberals, who believe in human rights and equality of gender etc". Yeah well, the Quran said you should humiliate, kill or make the non-believers pay Jizyah, you're not going to disobey that, are you?

    p/s: Sorry, I have too much wrath for baseless claims
    p/ss: And too much work these past few weeks. Haha.

  3. Alamak, aku buat karangan lagi.


  4. you're crazy hairy chewbacca! putting another entry of blog in MY blog LOL!!

    hey, u know what, idk whether this one man i've been hang out lately is good or not.. but at least he got his own theory of it..

    but yeah, at least he really tries to answer my questions.. and i told him about u.. i think this might be interesting at some point :D

    nak melepak and berborak tentang ini tak? i know u got sooo many things to argue about :D

    eh weeiii i need a hug tauu!

  5. Kau suruh dia baca blog aku la dulu, tak payah aku nak ulang banyak kali. Malas dah. Haha

  6. ahaha! ok ok.. aku pun tak slalu jumpe dia.. nnt aku suruh dia baca LOL!

    blog ko panjang2.. bluekk :P

  7. heee mengapakah apakah terjadi pada diri mu ouh bella comel? take care ok? sakit ke kene pegi jumpe doktor itu? isk2..nak hug eyh? BIGGGG HUGGGSSSSS!!! :D

  8. hooo sakit gile ok..
    smpi kena g jumpe specialist...

    haih.. miserable daku..
    *hugs balik :D*

  9. bella oh bella..
    mari mari group hug semua!!!
    cuz i need one, out of pure care, not some shitty pretentious one!
    sakit ape?

  10. saket imbalance hormones..
    which leads to lotsa lotsa trouble for me.. -_-"