FREAK = AWKWARD?

And I have been looking for this DVD for a few months now, but they don’t sell even the pirated ones if it’s hardly making into box-office listings. Yes, it’s BELLA – “Sooner or later every one of us will face an irreversible moment that will change our lives forever. If it hasn't happened to you yet...it will. BELLA is a true love story about how one day in New York City changed three people forever.”

And thanks to this website my brother gave to me yesterday [ http://www.watch-movies.net/ ], I started off this morning by watching it. I did cry for a few times. It’s not the type of story that you need to think too much, nor have a good audio system for the bang and the boom. You just need compassion in that heart of yours.

I can’t say I’m an indie-film whore, but when I do have those stories by my reach, I would definitely watch it. Yes, some may not like them… There are those with low quality of visual, or even “err… I don’t understand…” or “what a fucked up movie that is!” Whatever so on and so forth, I love them. There’s not much of a ‘fairy-tale’ like drama, no posers dancing around acting they were born cool, no heroes nor heroines who look too angelic, hot, stunning and lovely all the time…

These indie works are more of the REAL things in life. Some may be disturbed by Fur: an Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus for example. Which is too freaky for a normal thinker? Well, as from my opinion - they have the story to tell… but it didn’t really reach till within. How they NOT indulge deeper from what I imagine, somewhat; frustrated me.

Diane Arbus (March 14, 1923 – July 26, 1971) was an American photographer, noted for her portraits of people on the fringes of society, such as transvestites, dwarfs, giants, prostitutes, and ordinary citizens in unconventional poses and settings. If you never heard of her; Wiki her and her arts. And here’s a quote from her that made me say, “How can I NOT love her!”

[click on the pics for larger view]

"Freaks was a thing I photographed a lot. It was one of the first things I photographed and it had a terrific kind of excitement for me. I just used to adore them. I still do adore some of them. I don't quite mean they're my best friends but they made me feel a mixture of shame and awe. There's a quality of legend about freaks. Like a person in a fairy tale who stops you and demands that you answer a riddle. Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats."

- Diane Arbus

[click on the pics for larger view]

Too weird for you guys out there? Well here’s a rain check; she’s REAL. She lives and dies. Those people you call freaks, nerds, gays, lesbians, bisexuals, weird fetishes or any of those categories in that same root of AWKWARDNESS are supposed to burn in Hell or die because having them around brings shame to this world? Oh, please…!

And who are you to judge her, me or anyone at all? One thing for sure; normal is boring.

Single Awareness Day [S.A.D]

Bouquet of roses, big teddy bears, boxes of chocolate… The normal thing we do to show the appreciation of Love and thanks to our beloved. Nice, isn’t it? Some say it’s sweet. Most would say, “There goes half of my salary this month!” And when I say I don’t really care much about yesterday, how would you perceive me then? Someone who’s sadly unlucky for not having a boyfriend to spend a day with? Why if so, I still got few of my male friends asked me before – but I politely said “Sorry, but no.”

What? Now you think I’m just pure jealous? Ha-ha! Never assume me to be one for not celebrating Valentine. Honestly, the only important dates that I would rather not being alone are my birthday and Christmas. Other than that, I’m practically fine sitting alone in my room, taking pictures, writing and drawing or reading. And I don’t need a doctor for this Valentine-malfunction. *ROFL* and my heart works absolutely magnificent more than ever *SMILES*

So, what this S.A.D all about? It stands for Single Awareness Day – a day that all of the single people can proudly stand up and show that it is OKAY to be single! blabbered this month by the Morning Crew, Rudy & JJ. It’s a good thing though. And tonight, they’re throwing out a party for those who celebrating SAD. It would be held at Retro Club @ Jalan P.Ramlee. Free admission and the theme is ‘Single and ready to mingle’ – guys; wear tie and girls; bow. Me? I don’t know. More likely not going, since I’m not into party and stuffy. But I’m into Rudy. *LOL* if you only know, the things I would do… ha-ha!

IF I can get my hands on you… IF!

The Rat Race

Sorry for not wishing a Happy Chinese New Year to all my friends who’s celebrating it. Probably to me too; if my grandma is alive still. She’s a Chinese brought up by Malay; at least I got half of it in my blood. Year of the Rat. And there’s only one person in my mind who’s born under this year; and I do hope he’s having a blast this year. By looking at him, I know he is blooming pretty well *SMILES*

A friend forwarded me a text message, which wrote this;

“A woman has strengths that amaze men. She can handle trouble and carry heavy burdens. She holds happiness, love and opinions. She smiles when she feels like screaming. She sings when she feels like crying, she cries when she’s happy and laughs when she’s afraid. Her love is unconditional. Here’s only one thing wrong with her, she sometimes forgets what she is worth…”

I was in awe whilst reading it. It was utterly lovely and heart-warming since perhaps I needed those kinds of words to be thrown to me… Letting me know I’m as precious as the Ring – which drives the adorable Gollum into madness. How many women out there are in love with jerks? Seriously even me; just to sum it up. A man before me stated; everybody loves a jerk – it’s a bittersweet thingy. As arrogant as he might have claimed it; sort of proud of himself being a jerk – perchance at a certain percent; he was right.

Those jerks made us women tougher by the sufferings we have to endure. Those jerks made us more mature in making decisions, a knowledge which teachers never taught us in school. Those jerks drew a line in relationships and bend it like hell; so that we realize how strong we ought to become. And those jerks taught us to be humane; feelings of love, care, angry, frustration, rejection, taught us how a man looks at a woman, taught us to be more dependable on our own selves. Taught us there are no imaginary fairy-tale happy endings, there’s no image of a perfect man to be married to; unless we love him for all he is and accept for all the flaws he possess.

This is just another silly rambling of mine, which you could just read it or toss it. This is a rambling which in a way, thanked YOU; the JERKS for making our lives a complicated one. And women out there, I know how much you could blabber about these foolish, unthankful jerks that ruined your lives… But you too got to agree with me at this end. Optimistically, if you ever looked into it; they did mold us into a better person. And I believe, I have removed the grudges and thank them instead.

And I miss you a lot this week. Yes, you. I miss you. *BLUSHES*

Razorblade Kisses

“Destroy me to your liking
Dearest creature never let me go…”

Somehow the lyric caught my attention. Giving in to someone; letting them do whatever pleases them. It’s been a while since I last coddle myself into this kind of indulgence… More so, when it all sums up to the one person we love. Ah! How I miss that. Always knowing of being wanted, being THE obsession, simply; being needed.

I wish he’s here. And I don’t care whether the stars above are dying, I want him here. He makes me happy, and at the same time I’m scared we would end up buzzing our PM and didn’t know what else to say… That day could come soon, just don’t come around here yet. Not now. I love you, baby. And thanks for the comfort of telling me u got RATS at your house! I never wanna go there! *LOL* It’s almost midnight, and I’m missing you. Goodnight, love *BLUSHES*